I’m now Danieface. If you want to keep following me.
Dave, Jackie, I swear you need to get Tumblr accounts so you can at least track the Runelords tag, which by the way has gone from “Rae is a Runelord” to “Danie is a Runelord.” Kk
Today hasn’t been a great day. Without saying too much, my body is in revolt against what I’ve eaten and against my gender, and I’ve spent nearly all daylight hours in bed either in discomfort or sleeping. And I’ve been thinking.
I feel like my brain skips steps in its thought process. Believe it or not, I was once VERY GOOD at math for that very reason! I could actually DO some mental math, and when I didn’t have to show ALL my work on paper I did fine. Once teachers started making me write everything out, I started being wrong, and it got into my head that I can’t do math.
I’m starting down that same road with “I can’t remember things.” I used to have a memory like a steel trap, and now I forget things that happened hours ago. I started thinking “I have a bad memory” and now it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At any rate, that has nothing to do with what I was thinking in bed. My stream of consciousness went from having the English Card Captor Sakura theme song stuck in my head, to contemplating Moulin Rouge, the Angry Argentinian singing Roxanne, and “above all things I believe in love.”
And you know, I don’t any more. Believe in love, I mean. It’s a very real and very powerful force in a person’s life, but I used to very firmly believe in “love will save us all,” so long as with “love” you include love outside of romance, love for siblings and parents and family, love for neighbors and people and the environment. And yes, I think that sort of love, that kindness, would solve many, many, many problems.
I, however, have fallen out of love with the world. I’ve learned a lot of things since joining Tumblr, about feminism, racism, mental and emotional disorders, art. I’ve also learned how lovely a fandom can be, and how absolutely disgusting it can be. I’ve seen a lot of love on Tumblr, and I’ve seen a lot of hate.
All of this is a very long way of saying, I’m not going to delete this Tumblr (immediately), but I am going to attach it to a different email address and make a new one, with a different username. I’m going to endeavor to be a better, more thoughtful person. No more reblog-engine-Raerae. Tumblr is a big, sprawling thing, and I want to be more aware of what parts of it I’m touching.
To real-life friends, and crazy-awesome followers, thanks for sticking around. Once I’m moved around I’ll let you know my new username.